Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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