I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
