dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Define "chronic" masturbator.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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