I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
