You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
