He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
