Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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