why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
