I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize