you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
