Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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