Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
