ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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