I don't usually arrange sex via text message
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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