even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
