I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
