Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
