His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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