I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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