My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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