I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
