I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
