I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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