Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
