I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
