and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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