im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
