From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
