last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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