Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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