Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
