Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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