Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
