Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
