If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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