Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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