Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
