I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
