i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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