Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
time to smoke my breakfast
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
