member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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