I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
