after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
