Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
