That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
