I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
