so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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