Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I want to fling myself into the sun
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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