Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
