Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
