i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
