im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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