I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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