he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
