now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
