And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
