I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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