Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
