it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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