just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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